Spicy & Strong

It’s a fair question: why pole dancing?

As a 45-year-old mom, business owner, and someone who has faced health challenges, why would I choose to embrace an activity often associated with negativity, shame, and stereotype? Why would a strong, educated, independent woman like me subject herself to scrutiny and judgment for doing something that so many still associate with a lack of morals or poor life choices?

My answer: Because the moment you step up to that pole, you realize how absurd it is to reduce such a powerful, empowering art form to those simple-minded stereotypes. It’s not about sex, money, or any of the other labels people try to impose. It’s about strength. It’s about community. It’s about claiming your space in this world and celebrating your body for what it is, not what others expect it to be. And yes, maybe it is about sex. But are we truly meant to believe that women aren’t allowed to be in control of our own sexuality? I say no. It’s ours to own, ours to express, and only ours to decide.

Approaching my 40s, my body started to betray me in ways I had never imagined. Chronic pain kept me in bed some days, my once-sharp mind began to fade, and my hair started to thin. My skin aged faster than I expected, and my confidence plummeted. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was losing myself. After a difficult diagnosis and a long treatment plan, I started to regain some strength, but I still felt lost in my sense of femininity. I felt embarrassed and ashamed of the changes happening in my body. In the depths of my frustration, I wondered: What could I do that would challenge me, yet also allow me to feel beautiful, feminine, and powerful again?

Pole Dancing.

I found a studio in Olympia that offered classes, and after a few beers to muster up some courage, I signed up. I’m grateful that a friend joined me because, honestly, I don’t know if I would’ve had the nerve to go alone. But from day one, I was hooked.

Pole dancing is hard. Hard in the ways I expected, and even harder in ways I couldn’t have imagined. But what I never expected was the joy and empowerment that comes with every small victory. My body has started to change. Stiff, painful joints that once refused to bend now stretch with ease. Muscles that used to struggle with the simplest tasks—like opening a can—are strong, flexible, and capable. Every time I achieve a goal, I feel a surge of confidence and excitement, and the courage to set new ones.

The people in my classes are as diverse as they come—mothers, medical professionals, teachers, government workers, business owners, and more. We come from all walks of life, but in our pole dancing community, we are bound by one thing: the desire to grow, to learn, and to support each other. We celebrate each win together, and when someone is struggling, we offer them a collective shoulder to cry on. In a time where true, meaningful community feels harder to find, this studio has become a place of belonging, encouragement, and a sanctuary from the pain and harshness of a divided, judgmental, and often cruel world.

Yes, my body is changing, but so is my sense of self. For the first time in a long time, I feel truly attractive again. Not because of any social media validation or external standards of beauty, but because I am celebrating my own power and ability. I’ve taken control of the narrative of my worth. I don’t wait for others to tell me I’m good enough—I know I am. And I think that’s one of the most beautiful, important lessons I can pass on to my daughter.

To anyone who still wants to judge or criticize: Do better. Be better. But while you’re busy being negative, I’ll be joyfully spinning and swinging around that pole, embracing the strength and beauty of my body, and showing the world that there’s nothing shameful about celebrating who I am.

No one gets to shame me for reclaiming my power. No one gets to define my worth. That’s not what being a strong woman is about. That’s not what pole dancing is about. And to all those who still cling to outdated stereotypes, let me leave you with one simple message: it’s time you learned a thing or two about female empowerment, support, self-worth, respect, and kindness—values we share and celebrate around the poles.

Saturday night, I performed publicly for the first time in a group routine. Before this I had never taken a dance class in my life, though I always wanted to – I was too afraid. As soon as the music started though my nerves melted away. I felt pretty, happy, and capable of anything I set my mind to. It was an absolute high of power, courage, and ability. It felt like my own personal Super Bowl win. To my friends and supporters who cheered for me there, threw dollar bills, and celebrated the beauty, strength, courage, and feminine power of our amazing team of women, thank you. To my fellow pole sisters, thank you. Your friendship is more valuable than I could ever express. And to my husband, the one man I will always be dancing for, thank you. I love you so much, and I can’t wait to dance for you again in May.

Be kind, my friends. Be brave. And do epic shit!

At Pole at Play dance studio in Olympia, WA. February 8, 2025.